I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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