I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
