I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
