just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
