why didn't you poke me back
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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