Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
