The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
