I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
