Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
