my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
