if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
