If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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