we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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