apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
