I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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