I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
