you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm passing your future prison.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
