wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
