I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
