every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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