the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
