You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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