Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
