Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Randomize
