i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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