I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Less talking, more tequila
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
