Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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