Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
