I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
