I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
