just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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