I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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