I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
