I met the friendliest cop last night
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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