yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Let's paint friendship bongs
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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