it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i think im in europe. pls send help
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
