did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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