I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
