I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
