I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
