If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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