as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
