Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
