I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
