Already got asked if we're dating
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
