it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
