just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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