If you die in college, do you die in real life?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
