dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
last night I used snow as a chaser
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