Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
