Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
