oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
