I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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