Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
