fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
