do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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