Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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