best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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