I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
